A Rose In Tatters
by ryquest
Summary: [Utena x Anthy] The Rose Bride reflects on her role, her relationship with Utena and their seemingly serene world on a quiet, sunny afternoon. From Anthy's POV.


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A Rose In Tatters

By: Ryquest

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She glances at me with inquiring eyes, blue orbs that shine and shimmer with the glow of the morning sky. I shoot her that wry, enigmatic smile that I have come to master over the years, a smile that could mean anything from sincere happiness to repressed displeasure. Her brow furrows slightly, as if she ponders on the meaning of my gesture, but the look of worry that crosses her face quickly does not diminish merriment from her gaze.

_Tenjou Utena._ How appropriate her name seems to me. In her is the essence of the heavens – unfettered, boundless in her enthusiasm and ever constant in her quest to achieve true nobility. My eyes wander to the rose signet she sports on her hand, a reminder to her of the prince she had met, once, long ago, in a meeting that had changed the course of her life forever. That prince was gone, I knew, as dead to the world as the parents Utena had lost long ago during that fateful day. Yet his nobility shines in her still, though the prince himself now basks in the darkness wherein he has immersed himself in.

I feel a twinge of pity as I watch her, this innocent girl whose brilliant idealism somehow illuminates my world. She is different from all the other Victors I have had in my life. She is not cruel, nor manipulative, nor apathetic even. She is caring and concerned – sometimes overly so – with my achieving happiness and a semblance of a normal life high in her list of priorities. She offers me genuine friendship, and perhaps, something more. There is a deeper sort of affection lurking within those deep azure pools that reflects her soul. She does not acknowledge this, nor overtly realize it even, not with her obsession with being reunited with her Prince. Yet, in all respects, she represented more what Dios once was than Dios had ever been, himself. 

In all respects, I should be thrilled by this, to have such a compassionate person to be Engaged to. But I somehow find it abhorrent, to constantly be immersed in her concern. To constantly be reminded of all that I once had for a brother – a charming, gallant Prince. It strikes deep into my consciousness how far we have fallen, he and I. For my brother was no longer a Prince. And I no longer will ever be worthy to be anyone's Princess.

I do not like being Utena's Rose Bride, not because I dislike her, but because I knew she deserved better. Deserved much better than to continually be a pawn to my brother's manipulations in the game of Revolution. I note with great regret how it could have been if I had not chosen to hide my brother from the world, to have allowed him to live life in graciousness and decency even if know such nobleness would have meant his ultimate demise. But I had been young, and selfish, and I had loved him. No, I still love him, which is why I became and remain a Witch.

Since then I have closed my heart to compassion and abandoned any semblance of hope, knowing full well that harboring such emotions would ultimately cause me greater pain that the sharp points of the Swords of Hate, the burden I have willingly carried over the years. It has become a power game between the Ends of the World and myself. At times I both adore and detest he who is my brother and lover, seeking solace and pleasure in his arms, while at the same time wondering if I could ever be anything other than his puppet and a Witch. 

Yes, I do long for bygone days while reveling in the depravity of the closed world of Ohtori we have made our home. I have all but given up my dreams when she came into my life, this Girl Who Would Be Prince. When she had dared expose my heart to stirrings of affection with her outright trust and unwavering friendship. I find myself gazing at her sometimes, when she does not notice, and wish that if only I had retained even a little of the innocence I once had, she would have a beautiful, shining Rose Bride. She has instead of a Rose Bride wilted by the demands of the game with play, trying to cling on to the last wisp of fragrance with yet lingers in my soul. A tattered rose with petals as wrecked as the opponent's roses that my Victor has dislodged in battle.

She continues to study me, not speaking, though I knew it took her an effort not to blurt out what was on her mind. She had extraordinary sense, this young woman, my Victor – she could almost sense when words were not necessary between us. This is one of those times. She sighs as lies on the grass and averts her gaze, staring up into the infinite horizon with melancholy, inquisitive eyes. I watch her as she watches the sky, watch her until she seems to merge with the heavens that reflect her like a shimmering mirror in their brilliance. 

* * *

"Ne, Himemiya," she suddenly says, sitting up and gazing directly into my eyes, "have you ever wondered if…"

"If what, Utena-sama?" I reply nonchalantly, even as the odd mixture of desire and regret in her eyes sending a twinge of pity and remorse into my very soul. I continue to give her that enigmatic smile and wait for her to continue.

"If, someday, when the Duels are over, and school is done, " she states in earnest, her hand grasping my own, warm and insistent, "we could maybe go…travelling together or something. We could go see what the world out there has to offer, what new adventures may be in store for us, with Chu-chu along…"

"Hai, Utena-sama," I say in an all-too-cheerful voice, the tone I often used when addressing my Victors, telling them what they want to hear. And yet, in this case, I almost wish I could mean it with all my heart. Almost.

"But what am I thinking," she declares sheepishly, removing her hand from my own. "Your family is here…Akio-san will probably be staying for sometime as the Chairman, and you'll have a sister in Kanae-san…I couldn't possibly take you away from them."

She sighs again, a brooding sound that seems so unnatural in her normally cheerful façade. She glances at me sheepishly, almost apologetically, the warmth of her wistful smile openly endearing. She stretches a bit, as if out of habit, though I knew that this moment she was taking her time to think before speaking again.

"This may seem strange to you," she finally utters slowly, "probably a little silly, even, but some part of me feels that we're meant to be together. No, not necessarily with you being the Rose Bride to the Engaged One and all…I think we could be together as…friends. Iie, even closer than that, I think. You've practically been the only semblance of family I've had since I arrived at Ohtori for a long time."

She turns to me with that tender, trusting smile, though her eyes hinted at a seriousness I have seldom seen the whole time we've been together, born of an iron resolve that enables her to call upon the Power of Dios to win her duels. A seriousness that both unnerves and excites me.

"And I'd like it to remain that way, us being together, I mean," she continues. "I'd like us to shine together, Himemiya. Someday, surely."

"Hai, Utena-sama," I say again, with more warmth that I had intended. _If only it could be that way,_ I think. _If only such a way would not be paved with pain and fury, with so heavy a burden and so sharp a thorn to contend with._

"We'd best be getting back," she states as she stands and extends a hand to pull me to my feet. "Akio-san might go looking for us, and he might need some help with dinner.

"Even if," she adds wryly, "you might only be preparing shaved ice again."

We walk back together to oniisama's tower in silence, my Engaged One humming silently to herself. She has offered me an enticing possibility, to be sure. A glimpse into a future where a Prince on a white horse lives still, with courage and nobility intact. Where I could be free, surely, from the burden of the Swords that I bear, and where we could dance under the twinkling stars of the open evening sky with the moonlight guiding our steps. Then, just as quickly as I peek into that window of possibility, I purposely slam it shut.

_Perhaps, someday, you will shine, Utena-sama, but surely without a tattered rose adorning your breast_

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There. Finally. My first Utena fanfic. ^^ I've been brooding about this for some time now, but as always, got derailed by the Real World. Anyway, for any comments or suggestions, please leave feedback or send email. Arigato!


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